An artistic legacy doing good things
I don't even know what to say. I've been reading "Dear Whoever", one of my favorite of Spencer's journal entries repeatedly since last night, knowing that I'd probably lose my job today. And yup, I did. I just got home. "Dear Whoever" somehow just always makes me feel better.
I don't know how I'm going to afford my bills now which I had just started paying off. I may lose my house if I don't find another job right away. I live in NJ but I think everyone knows anywhere in the US right now it's almost impossible to get a job. Even McDonalds never called me back before I got my last job which I just got fired from an hour ago. It's that bad.
I'm scared, and aside from my boyfriend am completely alone. My family doesn't want to be bothered with me, I have no friends. I only have the friends I've made from here. But ya'll are so far away. I had such big plans coming up but now it's going to go back into survival mode. How will I afford my bills? How will I afford my medication? How will I afford to eat healthy? I do not want to be in this place again. I have a strong spirit and will likely rally by tomorrow and start the job search all over again, but god, it takes so long to even land an interview.
What made it even worse (which I guess is actually a good thing) was that my boss and coworkers were devestated to let me go and everyone cried. They've become somewhat of a family to me, filling in the empty hole of no family. My manager is a very motherly person, and she hugged me and said,"You're cared for. People care about you." For some reason that statement is making me sob. They know what's going on w me right now, that I've lost my family and friends. I don't even have anyone's house to go to and have a beer. I have my boyfriend but poor guy has to take the full weight of all my problems and sadnesses. I wish I had someone to go hang out with. But it's just me and my cat.
I want to thank Spencer for writing "Dear Whoever". I keep repeating to myself "don't give up, don't lose hope, and never ever give in". I'm trying, I really am, but if I can't pay my $1500 property tax in November my house goes straight into a tax sale. My house is my only asset. Maybe I'll calm down later, come up with a plan, and regain my give em hell attitude but right now I'm just miserable. I loved this job, like LOVED it. I keep telling myself God doses everything for a reason and maybe there's something much much better out there for me.
Sorry for the sobfest. I hope everyone's having a good day.
ps. totally unrelated but my brain is all over the place, I have a new email, but I don't want to start a new account here. I looked and maybe I'm just not seeing it, but can I change that for this account. I think I'm too upset to focus right now, I'll look again later and try to change it. Thanks to whoever actually takes the time to read this.