I'm just gonna type....

[Cary]

Not even sure where to start, just have to get emotions out.  I'm not much of a writer either, but here goes....

 

I'm pretty pissed.  What the fuck is going on?!?  Does this world not have enough amazing people dying from horrific disease that we have to go out and kill in random, sensless acts of violence.

 

My heart was torn to hear that Nate lost his battle with cancer at the beginning of the week.  Then, 2 miles from where I live and my kids go to school, there's the Mall shooting.  No one knows why he did it.  No apparent reason, and he killed and wounded people he never met.  Not that having known the victims would have been any better, but it really bother's me that there appears to be no real motive or reason for such a sensless act. 

 

Typically I can detach a bit, not because I'm heartless or don't care, but if I don't, I won't be able to move on with life.  It's just how I am.  Even when it happened just down the road, my babies are ok, my husband is ok, so I'm ok.

 

Then today.  I don't even know how to keep working or moving right now.  20 elementary kids.  It's unimaginable to me, and hit me harder than I ever want.  I don't care how far away this occured, both of my kids are in elementary school.  It's just a bit too much for me, I guess, and I don't understand!

 

There are too many people fighting for their life from disease, it's what life is.  But this... it just shouldn't be. 

 

I'm hoping just by getting some of this out in words, I'll feel better.  This is the safest place I know to do that.  Now, I'm gonna go cry some more, try to get through the rest of my day, and go home to hug my kids and hope that I never have to let them go.

 

 

[janice almodovar]

Cary, I totally understand how you feel as I'm sure most of us are feeling similar things.

I think I've cried every day since the shooting in CT happened... more so as the postings of the funerals and family members eulogys are being shared with the public. I am so incredibly heart broken for everyone who has to deal with this tragedy and although, like Cassie, I am not a parent... I think that on that day I felt like those 20 children were my own. No, whatever I may have been feeling is nowhere close to the pain those parents must have inside. But I felt the loss just as fully. No innocent child should have to lose their life in such a horrific manor.  And those teachers who gave their lives to protect those kids... I don't think any of us could think of a better description of what a hero is.

I pray every single day that anyone, not just those in CT, who has lost a loved one somehow finds some kind of peace one day... peace in knowing that those people are now in a place where they will never again feel any pain, hunger, thirst or fear and where there is no sickness or violence. Yes, we miss them in an immense way and would give anything to have them with us once more. But we will see them again one day... maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day.

If there is one thing I've learned from this little community, it's that those who we love never truly leave us. We carry them with us in our hearts and thoughts every single day. As long as we remind ourselves of that, we'll never "lose" them...

at least that's how I think of it. 

[Marguerite "Angie" Vieira]

Well said indeed. We had a shooting some time ago, in a primary school in toulouse. Way smaller than this one obviously. It was a Jewish primary school and turned out it was a racist act perpretrated by a shooter that had already done two other shootings in other cities and was on some kind of religious bloodbath. But I did feel exactly like you , my first thought was for my nephew who was in primary school in Toulouse. SO I do get why it touched you so much. 

I think we all reacted stronger when it touches children, instinctively, even if we don't have them.

There is nothing we can actually say and do infortunately now. I hope your family brings you comfort tonight and always feel free to speak in here or anyway you want : i'll always be there to listen !

Lots of love to all of you !

[Justine]

I know Cary, and please, give your little ones an extra hug from me.

I was about 40 minutes from there giving a presentation to another kindergarten. I didn't even know what had happened until I got back to the office. I spent most of the rest of the day in between tears and numbness- like many, I was at an absolute loss. For the victims, for the survivors, for the first responders. The only comfort there is, is in knowing they are getting the services they need. 

Listening to the radio last night, a station I frequently listen to was taking calls from all over the country. Someone called in from Colorado while I was listening, and to hear him talk brought on a wave of fresh tears. This morning when I logged into google, I saw an article about it written by the New Zealand Herald. This trauma is not confined to our little state. It has sent shock waves through the world and is affecting everyone. It has also brought on an outpouring of love, which I also hope will send shock waves through the world. 

 

[Wendy Nascimento]

My heart is broken for them.

[Cassie Lewis]

I don't have children and I am usually the first one to scream "don't tell me I don't understand because I don't have kids", but in this situation, although those of us that don't have children of our own are extremely saddened and confused by what happened, I truly understand that this has hit those of you with children of your own in a way that I couldn't possibly begin to relate to. The owner of the store that I work in came in yesterday, visibly stunned and asked if we had heard what happened. She was literally in shock. She just kept saying all she was thinking about were her kids and grandbabies.  My heart goes out to everyone, but especially to those of you with children or grandchildren during times like these.

[Jaisibel]

Yes, Cary. I feel exactly as you do. My kids are 10, 9, and 7. I have never believed in traditional schooling because of its shortcomings, but even deeper than the arguments I struggle to logically articulate is the fact that I am scared to not have them with me every moment, and this is why. I used to even keep them home if there was supposed to be a bad storm (we live in tornado alley) but I lost that excuse when the schools built their new missile proof/tornado proof buildings. And what is there to do but lock them away in the house and live in fear? How much would that harm them? And then I think...it would be awful to lose one but there are people who have lost two of them, all of their children in these tragedies and I think how the hell do you go on from that? Meanwhile we all have Lyme disease and are being denied treatment by our insurance company...and there's people that do this.

[Missy Davenport]

My heart is sick too those could have been my kids.I think about the fact that these kids were between 5 to 10 yrs and think about the fact I am the mom of a 10 year old and 9 yr old it makes no sense. I will my babies and light a candle and pray for these parents ,children and a town ripped apart by a heinous mad man

[Spencer Bell Legacy Project]

Couldn't have said it better, Cary.  I'm always glad you're here.  You're a great conscience for our corner of cyberspace. thanks